By reading this, you (hereby referred to as “reader”) agree to understand the intention of Julius Bugante (hereby referred to as “author” from now until the end of this document) and hereby commit to reading the entirety of this document. Any type of action that can be classified as “straying away from the subject at hand” is punishable by law, as mentioned in 42 U.S.C §4321 (The Environmental Protection Act). This document is protected by copyright law, as defined by an imaginary rule that automatically criminalizes the reader for copying this document. The author is not responsible for any damage this document may bring (e.g. arson, anarchy, mental instability, sexual displeasure, etc.). Criticism will not be tolerated, as the author does not tolerate this, or anything that has to do with his ego. Complaints can be addressed by the reader’s legal guardian(s).This concludes the preamble. Any person still reading this document has tenacity and the author commends the reader. Usually, the reader will just click accept and move on with life. But the readers who stayed have nothing better to do with their lives, so they will read the entirety of this document.
This document’s purpose is to inform the reader of writing, specifically why the author writes. Perhaps the author writes to bring insight. Perhaps the author writes for shock value. Perhaps the author writes to fill a void in his life after his cat got shot in front of his eyes. The cat would stare at the author, his dying wish to enact vengeance upon his enemies, slaughter those who stand in the way, and to lament the poor cat’s death. This is irrelevant because the author actually has two dogs and has never owned a cat. So, to answer the 5 minute (give or take) age question, the author writes. Period. The end. Everything he has said before is complete and total bull____. He just wanted to impress his peers with deep metaphors and insightful messages that reveal the truth of life. What the reader doesn’t know is that the author is a(n) _______. Writing is a puppet the author manipulates to entertain. However, the puppet master the author represents is a lonely drunk who does this job so he can fuel his insatiable thirst for cheap absinthe he gets from the suspicious men that live across his inner city apartment. But, the author digresses. Writing is like the terms and agreements the reader gets when they download a new application, or sign up for a nondescript website. A legal team spent their time to write out this long list of rules so the reader can be informed of what they’re getting themselves into. Instead, no one bothers to read it. The terms and agreements then gain a sense of insignificance and end up going home to their families reeking of call girl, cheap food, and even cheaper liquor(s). So please, don’t be the man who leaves the toilet seat up when there are ladies and read the terms and agreements.
